Decentering Men
Decentering Men: Why and How Women Must Take the Center
When I say “decenter men,” I don’t mean hatred. I don’t mean exclusion for the sake of exclusion. I mean something far more radical: realigning our attention, our power, and our lives so we are no longer orbiting male-focused systems, teachings, or expectations.
For centuries, men—and male-centered systems—have dominated society. From politics to religion, economics to culture, male perspectives, desires, and authority have been normalized as the standard. Women? We’ve been collateral, ignored, or managed. Decentering men means refusing to keep playing that role.
Here’s what it looks like in all the ways:
1. Decentering Men Spiritually
Male gods, male prophets, male clerics—male teachings dominate the spiritual frameworks most of us have inherited.
Decentering men spiritually means:
Reclaiming your own divine authority and spiritual power.
Trusting your intuition, body, and inner compass above any male-centered doctrine.
Rejecting teachings that tell you your freedom or worth depends on male approval.
Excavating the misogyny, transphobia, homophobia, and other oppressive ideas we’ve internalized.
learning from, following and working with female led spiritual advisors and not men.
2. Decentering Men in Culture, Knowledge, and Creativity
Culture teaches us to orient around men. Media, history, education, art, and science all celebrate male achievements while often erasing women’s contributions.
Decentering men here means:
Centering women’s stories, experiences, and creations as primary, not supplementary.
Recognizing that many innovations, discoveries, and artistic works credited to men were originated, built, or inspired by women whose contributions were stolen, erased, or ignored.
Questioning the way male-centered narratives dominate art, music, science, literature, and history.
Valuing relationships and communities outside of sex, romance, and family as sites of power, growth, and wisdom.
Using your resources, energy, and attention to support those historically denied recognition and access.
3. Decentering Men in Relationships
Even in intimate and family relationships, women are conditioned to orbit men: their moods, desires, and expectations.
Decentering men here means:
Prioritizing your needs, boundaries, and desires.
Choosing consciously where to invest your emotional, intellectual, and domestic labor, and considering redistributing it toward marginalized genders.
Reclaiming your erotic self—your authentic sexuality—and refusing to define it according to male desire or expectation.
And for men? Decentering men in relationships is just as critical. It means rejecting the socially imposed roles, hierarchies, and emotional expectations that patriarchy imposes on them, letting men experience connection, vulnerability, and care without being forced to dominate, control, or be the center. Decentering men benefits everyone.
4. Decentering Men in Knowledge, Power, and Labor
From business to academia to politics, men dominate access to resources, knowledge, and authority. Women are often positioned as helpers or caretakers instead of decision-makers.
Decentering men in these areas means:
Claiming authority over your own knowledge, finances, and decisions.
Creating women-centered networks where leadership, wisdom, and protection flow without male oversight.
Actively divesting from cisheteropatriarchal systems that maintain male dominance.
5. Decentering Men Internally
Patriarchy isn’t just outside of us—it lives in our minds: the voices that tell us we’re too emotional, too loud, too ambitious, too much.
Decentering men internally means:
Recognizing the male-centered conditioning that has shaped your thoughts, beliefs, and self-judgment.
Trusting your own judgment and inner authority.
Stopping the cycle of seeking male permission, approval, or validation to exist fully.
Why This Matters
Decentering men is not optional if we want freedom, safety, and power. It’s radical self-preservation, spiritual reclamation, and political action.
When women decenter men:
We reclaim our bodies, minds, and spirits from exploitation.
We build communities where our wisdom, creativity, and labor are central.
We redistribute power, recognition, and resources to those who’ve historically been denied them.
We expose and dismantle the systems that harm everyone, including men.
When men decenter men:
They stop performing patriarchy to survive.
They reclaim emotional, creative, and relational freedom.
They become allies in creating societies where power isn’t defined by gender.
Decentering men isn’t about attacking men. It’s about removing male dominance as the default and giving women—and all marginalized genders—the authority, space, and visibility we’ve always deserved.
A new Name for a new identity 🐍
Stepping into a new identity with a new name
Several years ago, I was sitting in a room with about fifteen women, five of whom were postmenopausal. During introductions, one woman shared her name and explained that it wasn’t her birth name — it was a name she had chosen for herself later in life, one that better reflected who she had become. One by one, the other four women shared that they, too, had chosen new names when they reached “that age.” I was intrigued.
At the time, I was in my early forties, and I remember thinking, What name would I give myself if I ever changed my name? From that day forward, I carried the idea that I might someday choose the name my parents had originally planned for me but decided against because they weren’t sure I’d like it — Minnie Mae, my great-grandmother’s name on my mother’s side. (If you can’t tell, they’re Southerners, and I was born in Texas, so it seemed fitting.) I was always disappointed they didn’t name me Minnie Mae (it’s such a great name!), and I fully expected to change my name from Rachel to Minnie Mae one day.
What I didn’t know then was that the spirit realm had different plans — and a different name — waiting for me.
As we close out 2025 and prepare to enter 2026, I want to share something deeply meaningful that has been unfolding for me, both personally and professionally and it seems appropriate to share it on the last New Moon of the year.
In June of this year, I entered a deep sacred ceremony on the tenth anniversary of Holly’s passing. Holly is a soul companion who departed this plane in 2015 but continues to guide me from the stars. She is my teacher, my God, and my closest, ever-present, eternal guide — And she has walked with me through every lifetime I have lived. She is constantly calling me to grow, shift, and expand, and perhaps because the Snake is my zodiac and I have worked closely with the cosmic serpent in this life, she chose this year to bring me into my greatest lesson with her yet. That ceremony shifted everything. I emerged transformed, leaving behind an old, outdated version of myself, and stepping fully into a new version — the one I was always meant to become.
Through this death and rebirth, I was given a new name by my sacred council — one that reflects who I am now and the work I am here to do. That name is Vex Varka. It carries layered meaning, spiritual code, and energetic weight, chosen by my personal team who work with me from beyond the stars. Every time it is spoken, whether by me or by others, I feel fully called forward into the purpose I am here to embody.
For a time, I believed this name would live only within my personal and private circles. However, it has become clear that this change needs to be shared openly. Names carry vibration and intention, and this shift directly supports how I show up in my life and healing work. Each time I hear my old name, it feels like I’m being pulled back onto a path I am no longer walking.
I understand that learning a new name can feel strange or inconvenient, and I’m aware that renaming oneself can sometimes be viewed as “trendy.” But names matter. They shape identity and influence energy. This is why I always recommend that animals rescued from abusive or traumatic situations be given new names — a new name helps them step into a new beginning. It’s also why I gently discourage giving companion animals names that might invite certain behaviors, like Fighter or Nippy Lou. A name sets the stage.
This transition feels deeply woven with the energies of 2025, the Year of the Snake — a year guided by the medicine of shedding. The Snake teaches transformation through release, asking us to lay down identities that have completed their purpose so something truer can emerge. It is a year of endings and rebirth. In numerology, 2025 is a 9 year, calling for closure, reverence for what has been, and the willingness to let go. In alignment with these energies, I am allowing my former name, Rachel, to gently complete its cycle with 2025.
2026 then opens as a 1-year — a beginning, an initiation, the first step into a new identity. In this way, I am setting the stage for my life and work to move forward under a name that reflects who I have become.
I’ll be updating my website and materials to reflect my new name. Please note that this is not a legal name change, so invoicing and billing will still be issued under my legal name.
My values and commitment to you remain solid, but my work is evolving. The spirit realm is sharing new wisdom, activations, and knowledge with me, asking me to step into a larger field of service — and with that, my work is becoming stronger and more potent. I’ll also be offering new services, which I’ll share in a future email.
As we move forward, I kindly ask that you begin using Vex when referring to me and allow the name Rachel to rest as part of what is being released. I know learning a new name can take time, and I’m completely okay with that — I just ask that you also be okay with me gently correcting you as I honor this sacred transition.
Thank you for witnessing and supporting me through this change. I’m deeply grateful to walk this next chapter with you.
I can’t help but think back to those five postmenopausal women in that room years ago — each of whom chose a new name as they stepped into a fresh chapter of their lives. Menopause is a time when inner wisdom rises, and the courage to claim one’s true identity emerges. My own name change feels deeply resonant with this sacred rhythm, a recognition of stepping fully into my power, purpose, and the work I am here to do — just as they did.
Please update my name in your phone (makes it easier to remember! :) . I’ve also updated my domain to vexvarka.com, and my website can be accessed by typing either rachelaugusta.com or vexvarka.com into your browser. Future emails will come from “Vex Varka” rather than Rachel Augusta. When referring me to others, I kindly ask that you use my new name, Vex.
I’m deeply grateful to have connected with you in 2025, and I’m so excited to continue our work together in 2026 as this new chapter unfolds. I have SO MUCH to share. Please keep an eye out for future emails, where I’ll be sharing new offerings becoming available in the new year. Let’s continue expanding and healing together.
With love and appreciation,
Vex